To My Folks,
If you could build a new life for yourself, what would it look like? Aside from having more money, where would you start? Would you write that book you promised yourself you’d do many years ago? Would you travel to the destinations you promised yourself you’d go to? Are you living a life that, deep down in your quiet spaces, you know does not bring joy? Do you feel like you’re always treading water and actually go under sometimes?
You have a good life. You have supportive family and friends. You have a decent, good, or even great job, but it’s no longer fulfilling and you’re feeling trapped by your surroundings. Does this hit you in your core? Does breathing become difficult when you start to examine all the sacrifices you’ve made throughout your life for other people? If you said “yes” or agree with any of the above, you’re probably dealing with some form of depression. If this is your story, then you and I are the same.
Let me tell you what I did to save myself from going under and not coming back up. First, I had to open my mouth and speak my truth because closed mouths don’t get fed. Second, I had to fall back in love with myself. I had to love myself harder than anyone else could love me. Third, I had to regain my courage and fight for my own life.
I’d lost touch with my happy-go-lucky and confident self. When I reunited with my happy-go-lucky and confident self, we had a series of conversations. These conversations were without blame or judgment and we vowed never to part ways again no matter what. A pinky swear to ride the rest of our breaths together, sealed the deal.
Here I am, twelve months later, living a life that goes beyond anything I could have anticipated. I’m living in Mexico! Yep, you read that right—Mexico. If the first things that come to mind are the cartels and all the violence, then you may want to do some more research about the entire country.
I grew up in the United States and as an African American woman, the cartels of America (also known as the KKK or white supremacists) have always been a direct threat to my life. Where I live now, I am free for the first time. I don’t live in fear of being assaulted because of the color of my skin. I can live in any part of town I desire without the fear of cartels, KKK, or white supremacists taking my life because of my gender or skin color. I had never experienced this level of freedom until I came to this country. A country steeped in so much American propaganda that I could only visualize staying where I was and pretending that “Massa” wasn’t as bad.
I miss my loved ones and I miss the conveniences that America has to offer. However, I understand that you have to give up something to get something else. My something else has truly been an adventure of newness, self-reflection, and discovery. I’m working, building and living for myself. It ain’t always easy, but going forward, I determine the terms of my life’s contract and that’s worth it.
Here, I’ve created a life that affords me the time to simply be still, pray, or meditate, so that I can hear the things inscribed on my heart and see the blessings awaiting me. I no longer put off living. I don’t have a bucket list prepared for my impending death. I have an actionable living list. My list is entitled, “Everything I Have Is Good,” a nod to Pharaoh Sanders and Phyllis Hyman.
Lately, I’ve been preparing myself to go deep sea diving with a group of Sistahs in my new village. I’m writing this blog because of the courage I’ve regained on this journey. I’ll be launching two YouTube channels very soon—one about travel and the other about children’s programming. This is new territory for me, but they’re on my living list.
I’ve met some incredibly gifted, kind and generous people in the last 12 months. I have learned so much in so many different areas and the possibilities are endless. I’ve grown so much and experienced so many new sights and smells. I’ve re-experienced the joy, laughter, friendship, sense of community, adventure, serenity and peace of mind that new birth brings with it. It feels so good to be absolutely in love with all of what has brought me to this very moment.
My only other wish, prayer, and demand are that you find this level of joy. It may not be in Mexico, but wherever it is, I hope everything you have is good.
Much Love,
